Written by: Trish b. Award winning publisher + cultural commentator
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Tributes and Instagram captions in the soft brightness of Mother’s Day that says, “that’s everything is mine,” hides under a deep truth surface: for many broken black men, her mother is the only black woman whom she allows to ever completely love, completely forgives, forgives and be fully honored.
Even if he broke his heart – he is the only one who receives grace.
But what are they about the black women they date? Those who show, sacrifice, pray, put inside? Often gasping for emotional oxygen in relationships formed on trauma bonds, without wounds, and wrong expectations, these women get silent in a war that they never started.
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From birth, black boys are often taught that their mother is pure. He is a person with strength. A survivor. The woman who did all this with help. And while it is powerful, it makes a dangerous one-woman pedestal.
It becomes: “Anyone will measure it anytime.”
And when that mentality becomes uncontrolled, it becomes emotional rights. He does not seek love – he demands to be a mother again.
“He wanted me to cook, clean, uplift, support my dreams, do not raise questions, and keep quiet when he hurt me – but when I asked for something back, I became a villain.”
– Unnamed submission, black woman healing circle
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Is it rarely spoken loudly. Some of these people were also injured by their mothers.
To Ignore. Partiality. Clever. Excessiveness. Nevertheless, despite those trauma, she still receives a pass.
But women who love him after that? Whatever we did not say, weighing its weight. We become a battleground for the unresolved child of his inner child.
According to a 2022 study on inter -state trauma in black communities, 76% of black men surveyed, admitted that they “often suppress emotions due to childhood experiences,” yet only 19% had gone into medicine anytime.
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We see it every day – in stages, in songs, in funeral:
“I was a dog for women, but my maternal uncle? It was my queen.”
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It is a protestor, not transformative.
Because real honor? This is how you talk to us when no one is watching. How do you show emotionally for your partner. How do you take accountability when you hurt us – not only cry about it and blame your past.
If you can give an unconditional grace to the woman who has given birth to you, then you can give treatment grace to the woman who is trying to make life with you.
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We are rehabilitation centers.
Increased enlarged men who refuse to do internal work.
While competing with a chair, we never asked to climb.
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We should not be a mother before wives, and should be left to raise children on their own.
We are wives. Warrior. Healer. Manufacturer. Not surrogate for lack of a man’s emotional maturity.
We are re -writing the rules. Choosing yourself Establishment of standards. And walking away – not in bitterness, but in boldness. Because our love is divine, and we refuse to give it to someone who only knows how to worship the past.
Let it be a call – not canceled.
For black men: Respect your mother, yes. But healed so that you can also honor us.
Because until you do this, your maternal uncle will be the only woman who ever saw your whole heart – while the rest of us used to give up love.
And That? Now ends.
